Finally! Someone replies my post...wahahaha...come on! somemore somemore...more reply please...shall share some jokes to warm up you guys.....

1)
A mental hospitalAfter hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

2)
A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of rags, his legs are bare and he's without shoes. His face and ears are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big bright feathers.He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for about ten miles. Finally the punk gets self conscious and spits at the old man: "What 'er you starin' at you old fart, didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?!"Without missing a beat the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was in the Navy I got real drunk in Singapore and screwed a parrot. I thought maybe you was my son."

3)
Two kung-fu masters were carrying on about their respective skills. "Why, my reflexes are such that you will not believe," boasted Master Foo and drawing his sword, he sliced at a passing fly, which promptly dropped dead in two pieces. "That's nothing," said Master Koh. Drawing his sword, he made two deft cuts at another passing fly. Master Foo was highly amused. "What are you talking about?" he sneered. "That fly is still flying." "Ah yes," replied Master Koh, "but now it can never have children."

4)
Teacher: What excuse have you got for being late?
John: (breathlessly) I ran so fast, teacher, that I didn't have time to think of one

5)
Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.

6)
Father: Have you taken your maths test, son?
Son: Taken already.Father: Did you get them all right?Son: Only five wrongFather: Not bad! By the way, how many sums altogether?
Son: Five.

7)
Teacher writes a sum, 3 + 7 = 9, on the blackboard.
Teacher: Is the sum right?
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right
First Student: 3 + 7 should be 10 and not 9, right?
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Then why did you say 3 + 7 is 9 right?
Second Student: Because you say it is wrong and I agreed with you.

8)
A new prisoner comes to a prison cell.
Convicts: What has happened with you that you are here?
Prisoner: I have broken a window on my job place.
Convicts: It's unbelievable! Where did you work?
Prisoner: On a submarine.

10)
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher.
“When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher

11)
This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS
#1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
#2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
#1: "This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again divert YOUR course."
#2: "No, I say again divert YOUR course."
#1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!"
#2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

12)
Once a fat man stepped on to a weighing machine. He put a ten-cent coin into the slot. Out came a card with the printed words," One by one, please."

13)
Bush had something wrong with his brain so he went to see a doctor.
After the medical examination, the doctor told him: "Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right. Your left brain has nothing right. Your right brain has nothing left."

14)
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Johnny: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Johnny: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

15)
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have your tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face!"

16)
While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make Clockwise circles.
Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it. Number '0' too.

17)
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet.

18)
There was this case in the hospital where a patient always died in the same bed and on a Friday morning regardless of his medical condition. This puzzles the doctors and some even thinks that it's got something to do with the supernatural.

One day, all the doctors decide to go down to the ward where it all happens on Friday morning and take a look at what's going on. Friday morning comes and everyone's at the hospital ward waiting for the terrible phenomenon to occur again.

Just before the expected time, the cleaner comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum!